A Day at the Zooniverse
by hh-glitter-cavalier-squad
Summary: Horrible Histories and Mighty Boosh crossover. An average day at the Zooniverse from two perspectives. Howince and Baybond. This summary's pretty bad, the story's better. T to be safe, I'm new at this. Read and review :)
1. Chapter 1

A Day at the Zooniverse

Chapter One

"Oh wow, Ben! I've never been to a zoo before!" Mat exclaims as they walk into the Zooniverse. "This is going to be so fun!" Ben chuckles. He didn't particularly like zoos, but when he'd overheard Mat saying that he'd hadn't been to a zoo before, Ben jumped at the chance. "Come on," he said, "Let's see the tigers first." Mat grinned and allowed himself to be pulled away by Ben. The tigers were very interesting. There was a man with a peculiar moustache doing a live show about tigers. Mat grabbed Ben's hand and led him towards the show. Ben couldn't catch what this man was trying to say. He was sure it was all very fascinating, but he just wasn't that interested. But he would be damned if his disregard for zoos ruined today. After the show, Mat was animatedly talking about whatever it was Bainbridge had said. "Did you know tigers are like endangered? And that they actually don't live anywhere near lions? I didn't know that! I just thought that they were in like the Serengeti, but tigers are Asian! How cool is that?" Ben smiled. "Very! On top of tigers being endangered, they are poached for dodgy Chinese medicines. Makes me sick, really." Mat agreed. "Can we see like the fish now? I love fish! Like manta rays and seahorses and starfish. Open that map of yours and take me to them!" Ben laughed, perused his map and walked over to the exhibit.

They were halfway to the aquarium when two strange men engrossed in their conversation ran into Mat. The younger man's glasses fell off and the other picked them up before they hit the ground. "Here you go Quentin." he says. Quentin checks his glasses and smiles after seeing there is no damage. "Thank you, darling. I'm so sorry we ran into you."Mat waved away the apology. "Accidents happen. I hope your glasses aren't damaged." Quentin smiles again and shakes his head. "No, they aren't damaged, thank you for asking. Have a lovely day." He put his arm through the other man's and walked away. Ben stared after them. "What odd people. I thought that the other one was going to kill you if you damaged the scrawny one's glasses." Mat nodded, "Yeah, me too. That's why I asked. That man was terrifying. I wouldn't want to work with him." Ben agreed and the rest of the walk to the aquarium was uneventful. When they finally got to the exhibit Mat was crushed to see that there were no seahorses or stingrays. There were manta rays and starfish, as well as whales. "This is kinda boring. I really don't like whales. They're everywhere. In all the zoos in the whole world. Isn't there anything else we could see? Like snakes or meerkats or something?" Ben sighed, Mat was so tetchy sometimes. "Let's see the manta rays, you love them more than anything. Come on!" Mat sighed and went to visit the manta rays. There was a bit of a crowd near the manta rays, everyone wanting to see the little baby ray."Ohh, Ben! It's so cute! Can I have one? It's the cutest thing I've ever seen! I may love that more than I love you!" Ben rolled his eyes in abdication. "You say that every time you see something new. I'm starting to doubt you love me at all." Mat looked hurt. "Aww, Ben, I didn't mean it like that! You know I love you more than anything else, but baby manta rays are pretty cute." Ben smiled and wrapped his hand around Mat's waist, looking at the manta ray. It was rather cute. The worker said that is was only six weeks old. "So, where do you want to go next?" Ben asked.

"Let's see some snakes!" Mat exclaimed and they walked towards the reptile enclosure. "Reptiles are so cool! I love them! All like reptilian and such!" Ben smiled and gripped Mat's hand tighter. The reptiles weren't as interesting as the manta rays. There were only five snakes, a lizard and something that looked like it would kill anyone who approached. Needless to say, that last animal wasn't very popular, although it seemed to be quite fond of Simon Amstell and Chris Barrie. Mat and Ben only spent thirty minutes here, watching the various animals get fed by a lone zookeeper. Mat thought that there should be more than one zookeeper, but didn't voice this opinion. "Ben, come on! We've been here for like 20 minutes! Come on, let's get lunch!" Mat almost raced away, but Ben grabbed his hand. "Ughh Ben! Hurry up!" Ben sighed but picked up the pace. There wasn't much good food at the zoo. They managed to find several dodgy looking sandwiches and ate them. "Ugh, Ben this is gross! Can we see more animals?" Ben nodded and they got up. "What do you want to see next? Meerkats?" Mat jumped at the mention of meerkats. Ben smiled, "But let's just relax, ok? This is the first day off we've had in ages! Enjoy it!" Mat and Ben sat in silence, not wasting words, not being awkward. Mat got up first, "Come on, let's see the meerkats and gorillas and stuff." Ben stood up and gently kissed Mat. "Come on, this way." he said, entwining their hands.

They walked slowly to the enclosure, taking their time just talking about work and holidays and relaxing. They got there and looked at the uninterested meerkats, the sleeping chimpanzees and a rather large gorilla who appeared to be waiting for something. "It says his name is Bollo. He's ten years old." Mat read. "It doesn't say much..." Bollo seemed to look through them rather then at them. "Hey Bollo, look what I got!" a voice said before plowing into Ben. The collision caused Ben to almost fall over and make the man to drop his... hair straightener? Ben picked it up, "Here you go." he said politely, handing the unusual item over. "Hey thanks!" the man said, grinning impossibly before running off to the gorilla. "Let's get out of here." Mat agreed and they walked out, choosing to believe that this man didn't actually ask a gorilla if he had seen his boyfriend had done to his pants. "There's so many odd people in this zoo. Interesting, but odd. Look I know it's only two o'clock, but do you want to go home?" Ben grinned and kissed Mat again. "I thought you'd never ask! Let's spend the rest of the day relaxing." They walked towards the car park discussing what they planned to do when they got home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Howard and Vince were working, or at least they were supposed to be. They were currently sprawled on a couch after a session of vigorous sex. "Whoa, Howard! Where'd you learn to do that?" Vince asked. "Shit, that's... genius!" Howard chuckled. "You were the one who showed me that. When we first hooked up..." Howard smiled distantly, like he was wrapped up in a memory. Vince beamed. "Howard, that was four years ago. Why couldn't you have done it then?" Howard sighed, "Don't rightly know, sir. Just remembered I suppose..." Vince grinned, "Can you do that again?" Howard sighed and shook his head. "We have work to do. Come on." He dragged Vince off the couch to get dressed. Vince groaned, "Ugh, Howard! I don't want to work today. Let's just go home." Howard shook his head again. "If we go home now, you'll never want to come back. You need a job, Vince. Besides, at least you get to the day with me, sir! Now get dressed or I won't do that again." Vince pouted, but got dressed. He was definitely looking forward to tonight. Howard was walking around getting things done, Vince following him. "What do we have to do, again?" he asked. "Clean up, grab a broom, little man." Vince sighed and did what he was told. He started chatting about Topshop sales, new boots and Cheekbone. Howard didn't mind, he wasn't listening, he simply knew when to put an encouraging word in and worked away.

Howard was going to clean the Reptile Room, he asked Vince if he wanted to help. Vince agreed, knowing that the majority of the working would be done by Howard. Vince liked animals, he could talk to them. Sometimes they talked back, the bastards. He liked the Reptile Room, the lizards were friendly and interesting. Michaela, a komodo dragon, was interested in fashion and hair. Vince gave her magazines to read. Michaela was the friendliest of all the reptiles, even though she looked like she was likely to kill you. She wasn't very popular, but Vince read her hair and fashion tips everyday. He also gave her a room a makeover on her birthday. She was obsessed with Simon Amstell and Chris Barrie. Vince didn't exactly know who they were, but she was in love with them, or so she'd said. They were fairly atrractive, but they weren't his type. "Ugh, seriously Mik, can't you pick someone hotter?" Vince complained. Apparently this was the wrong thing to say as Mikaela snapped at Vince and ripped his pants. Vince shrieked and started sobbing, tearing down posters as he fled. He returned to Howard in tears and ran over to hug him. "Vince! What's wrong? Are you alright?" Vince cried for a little while longer, wrapped in Howard's embrace. "Vince. Please stop crying, what happened?" Vince pulled away to stare at Howard and muttered something Howard couldn't catch. He wiped away Vince's tears and waited for him to speak again. "Mikaela t-tore my pants." he teared up at the memory. "You know how long I spent working on these! And she ruined them!" Howard nodded, to anyone else this would be stupidly petty, but he knew that fashion meant a lot to him, even if it barely mattered to Howard. "How can I help you? Can we fix them?" Vince shook his head. These were my favourite pair and I'll have to start again!" he complained. Howard led Vince over to the couch and they sat down. Vince immediately crawled into Howard's lap. "No, you don't have to do that. I can fix them. I'm good at sewing. If you'll let me." Vince smiled, "You really mean that?" Howard nodded. "Of course I do little man. I love you and I hate seeing you upset." Vince grinned, "I love you too! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" He drew Howard's facer closer to his and kissed him passionately.

As Vince's trousers were wrecked, he had to wear his non-flashy pair. "Howard! When are you going to be done? I feel like a berk in these!" Howard huffed, "You are a berk, Vince. If you keep asking, I won't do it at all. Clean the aquarium, it'll keep you busy." Vince frowned, "Fine. Where's the stuff?" Howard pointed to a box in the corner. Vince picked it up and walked to the aquarium. The aquarium was really nice, except for that baby manta ray. It's father Danny was respectable, but Dave? No chance. He was always complaining, 'I'm too dry. I'm hungry. It's too cold.' Vince couldn't stand that kid, he wondered how Danny could. "Alright Danny, how are you?" Vince shouted into a seemingly empty tank. Dave appeared instead, "It's too cold and da-" Vince sighed and glared at Dave. "I wasn't talking to you, kid. Where's your father?" Dave sighed, "They moved him, man. I dunno where he is, it's too big." Vince nodded and thanked Dave for his help. "Hey, Danny... Where are you mate?" Vince walked around the tank slowly, actually cleaning it to make looking for Danny easier. Another manta ray came up to him, "Hello, I'm Craig. I know what happened to Danny. I didn't want to tell his son." Vince swallowed, "He's gone isn't he?" Craig nodded, "I'm afraid so, who might you be?" Vince stuttered and said that his name was Vince and that Howard would come around here often. He was a bit shocked about what happened to Danny and instructed Craig not to tell Dave. Craig nodded and Vince left. This isn't exactly a good day for me, he thought as he approached the shack. "Hey Howard, you'll never guess what happened. It's really sad." Howard looked at Vince and waited for him to tell his story. "Ok, you know Danny right? The one with the bratty kid?" A nod from Howard. "Well he died. Craig told me. Craig's the new manta ray. I never liked Dave, but his dad's just died. I feel bad for the poor sod." Howard nodded again. "Hey Howard? It's like 12. D'you wanna get sutin to eat?" Vince asked. "I thought you'd never ask." he smiled, placing his things on the chair next to his and walking over to meet Vince. "The food here's shockin', let's see if Naboo's got stuff." Vince offered his hand, which Howard quickly took and they walked out of the shack together.

Naboo was asleep in his stall. "Naboo, wake up man." Naboo yawned, "Is the apocalypse here yet?" Vince laughed, "No, mate. You got any food?" Naboo stretched, "No apocalypse? But the King of the Potato People said there would be! Yeah, I got food, no potatoes though, they went to the Travelodge. Feel free." Howard looked at Naboo strangely, "How much did you smoke last night. I'm fairly sure there's no Potato King and we don't have Travelodges here." Naboo looked shocked, "If there's no King how did I get this?" He puled up his sleeve to reveal a huge patch of scratches and bruises. "Naboo, you were fighting Mikaela last night. Be happy she didn't kill you." Realisation dawned on Naboo's face as he smiled. "Oh YEAH! Guess he doesn't exist. How about that, then? Oi Vince, you done raidin' my fridge?" Vince shouted yes and appeared with a few packets of lollies, a ham and cheese wrap and a lone brownie. "Oh! Don't touch that, it's full of pot. Gimme that, you flannel." Naboo took the brownie off Vince. "Besides, that's mine." Vince shrugged. "Here you go Howard," he said handing Howard the wrap. "You don't mind that, do you? There ain't much here." Howard shook his head, "Nah, that's fine. Looks good. This is safe, isn't it?" Naboo nodded. "Hey Howard, let's get outta here." Vince took Howard's hand and began pulling him back to the shack. "Come on! I'm hungry!" They almost got to the shack when Bob Fossil walked up to them. "Hey you guys, how are you, look I don't really care. Moon, we need to talk about your bad work ethic. Come with me, man." He began walking off, "I'll see what he wants, wait here. Ok?" Vince nodded and kissed Howard lightly, then set off to catch up to Fossil. Vince didn't really care whatever it was Fossil really wanted to talk about, but it was lunch hour and he wanted to spend it with his boyfriend. Vince can see two men who are having lunch three metres away from Vince. He can just hear their conversation. "For the last time James," the younger man whines, "You cannot keep breaking my gadgets. I don't care what dangers you're facing, you have to bring them back. Sometimes I don't know why I put up with you." James smiles. "I love you too, dear." The younger man smiles and puts his head on James' shoulder. "Thank you for saving my glasses. They would've been hell to replace." James kissed the other man's forehead. Vince hears the door open and turns around to face Howard. "What did he want?" Howard shrugged. "Not important. Waste of bloody time. Now, let's have lunch." Vince grabbed Howard's hand and went back to the shack.

An hour or so later, Howard had good news for Vince. "Hey, Vince? I fixed your trousers. Do they look alright?" Vince gasped and hugged Howard, "Oh they're genuis and you fixed them really quickly oh thank you! I love you so much!" He punctuated his last sentence with a kiss to show how grateful he was. He slipped off the slacks he had on and put on his own pair. "Oh wow! These look great! My arse looks amazing!" Howard was speechless, only Vince could be so enticed by his own reflection. He kissed Howard again. "I'm gonna see Bollo and show him what you did. Where's the hair straightener?" Vince rushed around the room, not bothering to listen to Howard's answer. "Got it! See ya, Howard." He rushed out of the room and headed straight to the monkey enclosure. When he got there, Bollo was looking at him. "Hey Bollo, look what I got!" he shouted right before he ran into someone. Vince dropped his hair straightener and almost caused this man to fall over. The man picked up the straightener, "Here you go." he said politely. Vince beamed, "Hey thanks!" he half-shouted, before running over to Bollo's cage. "You'll never believe what my amazing boyfriend did. He fixed my pants. Can you believe that? Don't they look great? I think they do. I brought the hair straightener because my hairs kind of flat, you don't mind do you?" Vince babbled. Bollo shook his head as Vince plugged in the straightener. "Have I got news for you! Did you hear? Danny died. Shocking, innit? I dunno how old he was, but who's gonna look after the kid? There's a new manta there, his name's Craig. He seems pretty cool, but I just met him. So he might be a right tosser." Vince droned on and on, Bollo wasn't even pretending to listen. "Hey Bollo, you know what time it is?" Bollo mentioned it was about five. "Oh shit! I've been here for hours! I gotta go!" he unplugged the hair straightener and ran off faster than humanly possible. Howard was just about to lock up, wondering where Vince was. "Hey Howard! Wait!" a voice shouted. Howard was stunned as a multi-coloured blur rushed inside, placed the straightener down and ran out. "Ok, now you can shut the door." Howard was stunned, and locked the door. "You ready to go home?" Vince grinned and snaked his hands around Howard's neck, kissing him senseless. "I thought you'd never ask." he murmured, snagging Howard's hand.


End file.
